Best of the Conchords

Why? Why exactly? Why... did they have to end the show??

Let's Try Those Tiny Chickens

An oldie but a goodie that I stumbled upon again:

 


"No silly, they were on sale at the A&P"
Laughed as hard as I did the first time...Will Ferrel, be funny again, please.

Dag Gummit!

How this man is still alive I don't know:

How's My Writing Been Going?

Sort of like this:



Minus that strange credit bit at the end...

Firefox Symbol Audition

Contestant 1
Name: Honey
Species: Canine
Age: 2.5
Special Qualifications: Golden-reddish coloring, abnormal ability to curl into perfectly symmetrical, yet extremely tiny circle (has been known to hold pose for multiple hours)

The Joys of Retro Candy

 

I have this thing about retro candy. Maybe it's simple supply and demand: The harder it is to find, the more I seem to like it. Or it might be that it reminds me of my childhood - sneaking candy cigarettes (the kind that smoke when you puff them) with my cousin because my mom refused to buy them for me. Or the summers I spent ordering Fun Dip and Squeezable Bubble Gum (in a toothpaste tube) from Unfriendly's in Fair Harbor.

But it really goes  beyond a simple affection for an old-fashioned sugar fix. I once agreed to go on a date with a guy I couldn't stand because he gave me Lemonheads and Jujubees on Valentine's Day. My sister (who spent an equal portion of her childhood hanging around Unfriendly's) insisted he was a keeper.



One of my all time favorites was the Nestle Quick Bar - chocolate taffy that tasted deliciously like the faux hot chocolate mix - which I used to beg my babysitter to buy for me every time we went to the one drug store in Pittsburgh that stocked them. Sadly, they were discontinued and I still crave them regularly.


One of my favorite things to do is browse through a selection of old-time favorites at Economy Candy on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I can spend half an hour perusing the selection of gum (Beehmans, Black Jack, Clove), Pez Dispensers, bins filled with gummy bears, rock candy, and various size tootsie rolls. I may leave with nothing more than a handful of Haribo Frogs (pictured above) and a bounce in my step, but no matter. It's not really eating the candy that's important - though it is a frequent side-effect. Something about these colorful, imaginative creations just makes me happy.

I think there are three reasons for this:

1. They're miniature. Anyone who knows me knows that I am abnormally drawn to miniature recreations of life-size objects. This attraction only increases when said object is edible. (I'm weird, I know).
2. They awaken that dusty part of the brain that wants to take a Mexican Hat, put it on top of a Chocolate Baby and make it ride around on a Gummy Shark.
3. Never underestimate the power of a piece of candy to cheer up even the most gloomy day.

Another great retro-candy-lover haunt is Newsbeat in Sacramento. This place scores extra points with me because of their outrageously thorough magazine selection - they have an entire wall of foreign language magazines for christ's sake - and the fact that they welcome dogs.

Not only do they have a good selection of retro confections (Peach Os, Smarties, Red Hot Dollars) they offer imported goodies (Australian licorice, crazy Japanese gummies) and high class chocolate like Green & Black's bars.





I know the holidays are coming up and you're all excited about your chocolate Santas and Candy Canes, but there's nothing quite like a sheet of candy buttons (remember how a little bit of paper comes off with each colored dot, mm) or a frozen Charleston Chew to put me in a jolly-good mood.

Coconut Crab

Welcome to your new nightmare...this shit is real

Welcome Home Soldier

If you're like me then this is the time of year when Seasonal Affective Disorder starts to sink in a bit. Day light savings means it's getting dark at 5 and though the trees are still colorful, it's only a matter of time before we head into the dead stretch of winter.

Have I got you feeling good and depressed? Well, to warm up those cold winter blues and gain a little perspective (things aren't so bad after all) here are some clips of soldiers being welcomed home by their best friends.



HERO + PUPPY = BETTER THAN SUNSHINE

Inspirational Photo

This is awesome, and kind of reminds me of a delicious piece of candy:




See More HERE

Nan and Poppie

In honor of my late grandparents, Nan and Poppie, who I am proud to call my friends:


"The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children's children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future."


Poppie passed away about a year and a half ago and Nan followed him just a week ago.
The Pittsburgh Trib wrote really nice articles about each of them and their generosity to the community which you can read here:


Poppie

Nan

Having lost both of them in such a short time span was a major shock to my system as they were both such a big part of my life and a staple of my childhood. I spent so many good times with them and had so many adventures - they took me and my siblings and cousins on wild trips like bicycling through Holland, Helicopter rides over glaciers in Alaska, Parasailing in Mexico at age 11, and exploring the Galapagos Islands.

Some of my best memories of them were hearing stories about how they met and fell in love, my father's childhood, my own early childhood that I couldn't remember. They were definitely a key to the past, but will always be a symbol of the future for me as they showed me what it was to live full, active lives (they downhill skied into their seventies), explore the world (Poppie lived with an Inuit for a time and trekked the Amazon, Nan left her home of New York to start a life in Pittsburgh, a city she'd never known), and what it means to be committed to another person (What Nan sweetly called their "Love Affair" lasted more than six decades and, hopefully, after a short, painful pause when Poppie died, continues to this day.)

One of my favorite Nan and Poppie moments:
My cousin Katie and I were drawing on each other to pass the time during a long day of travel. Nan leaned over to us and, in a whisper, asked Katie to write the letters A.R. (Poppie's initials) on her still elegantly slender foot and put a heart around it. She quickly covered it up and told us she showed it to him later, in private. This was some fifty years into their marriage and for some reason always gave me so much hope and love for life.

For that, and many other things, I truly thank them.


"Grandparents hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever."

Bloody Fabulous

Check out my review for BUST Magazine of the ninth book in Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series (out tomorrow!)

This is the book that inspired the HBO show True Blood and the folks over at BUST are, happily, just as obsessed with it as I am :)

Itsy Bitsy Spider

I think my mantra for awhile is going to be:

The itsy, bitsy spider went up the water spout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the itsy bitsy spider went back to work again.

This is an example of one of those things you hear or see or experience over and over again as a child and then when you're exposed to it again as an adult you understand so much about it that you didn't before. Like my good friend Laura, whose mom confused her for years when she explained that the term "hooker" (they were watching Pretty Woman) meant coat hanger.
I used to think of this song as a sort of sad, creepy story about a spider that nearly drowned - now I realize its supposed to be about preserverance in the face of adversi - wait a minute! What the f is this stupid spider doing making his web in a flippin water spout? He's just gonna keep getting washed out again and again. I mean, who would build their home in the middle of a waterway with no real protection from damage?? It reminds me of that saying I hate: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
So, I guess this song is really about a crazy, mostly homeless spider... Ah well, I still like it. The message of optimism and persistence is still there, even if it is a kind of insane, hopeless persistence. Kind of like, cheer up everybody, your web will get built... until the next downpour :(

What the F is everyone's obsession....

with knowing at all times what everyone is doing in every capacity and area of life?? It started with AIM away messages. Those were good for college when you secretly wanted to let your crush know where you would be at all times in case he decided to start stalking you (or vice versa - wasn't it annoying when he used the default message?)
Next came that stupid facebook update "John is just ate a sandwich." Unavoidable bad grammar is just one annoyance of these applications.
Then, of course, came Twitter. Congressman tweeting through the presidential address? Things are looking really, really bleak.

That being said (as I type hypocritically on my blog) I have joined the ranks on this bird-brained site. I do not like it, but it is a fact of life (a writer's life at least) that you must absorb new technologies before they absorb you.

So check out what I'm up to, K?!? Blink, Blink.

10 Valentine's Gifts That Don't Suck

Okay, Valentine's shopping is annoying. For the most part (and no offense to any men who are otherwise inclined) you can't get guys any of the typical Valentine's gifts: flowers, jewelry, lingerie, etc.

You're dating a girl you say? Though there tend to be more options when it comes to buying gifts for girls, still many female-focused Valentine's gifts are cheesy, tacky, or cliche

So, whether you're male, female, transgender, transvestite, or dating any of the above, the following (in no particular order) are ten unique treats for your sweet (even if you're doin v-day on the cheap):


1. Paul Simon Lyrics, the book: Covers all of Simon's romantic, soulful songs from 1964-2008,
including original handwritten images of songs in progress.
With lines like "You've got the cool water when the fever runs high/ You've got the look of lovelight in your eyes" this book is sure to steam up a winter night. $28






2. Susy Jack has unique, Eco-Friendly Cards (like this Be Mine "Surprise a Sweetie" one that clips onto a clothes line and can be hung anywhere your honey might find it.)

Or opt for the simple "I Love You" cards which come in Spanish, French, and English text. All SJ paper is 100% post-consumer recycled, products are printed and hand-assembled within the U.S. and they use minimal, recycled packaging materials. Now that's something to gush over. $3.50-4.25





3. Vere Chocolates: Organic, elegant, decadently rich. Though slightly more pricey than some other brands (gift boxes start at $26 and a single chocolate bar will run you $5) these artfully crafted, quality chocolates are worth every penny. Especially if your chocolates will be flying solo as your sig-o's V-day present, or if you have a mother-in-law you're hoping to impress. Vere's also offers vegan and diabetic-friendly items but if you need a classy sugar fix that'll inspire lust try the Purist Caramel which for $28 gets you 16 beautiful, bit-sized chocolates like Lavender, Rose-Pistachio, Ginger-Sesame, and Cinnamon-Pecan.


4. Rose Petal Soap: If you plan on getting dirty with your Valentine, consider gifting him/her these delicate petal-shaped soaps which are good for one wash each. Not only will you feel like you're bathing in roses, but instead of a grimy, used-to-be-white-but-now-kind-of-gray Lever bar sitting on your sink, you'll be looking at a beautiful potpourri in a glass apothecary jar. The jar holds 50 petals, giving you reason to get dirty again...and again... $29.70





5. Pink Gun Earrings: Okay, maybe I'm slightly biased, but these pink gun earrings are the shit. Any guy who gave me these for Valentine's Day would be A-Okay in my book. Of course, you gotta know your lady's taste. Not everyone wants to walk around with weapons dangling from her ears. $6


6. Lover's Quarrel Pillow Cases: They're a bit cutesy, but these quarreling lovers pillow cases are an intimate way to remind your honey that sometimes (s)he ain't so sweet. So if you're in love with a cover hog, pillow stealer or snorer, celebrate his/her flaws with this dreamy gift. $36








7. Bamboo Speakers: If you've got a gadget fiend on your hands, or a sig-o with an Asian fetish, these bamboo speakers will hit the sweet spot. Compact, lightweight, USB-powered, and the best part... only $26.99, a steal for a portable speaker made from the eco-chic plant.


8. Inside Out Martini Glasses: So some of us are dating grown-ups and have to find mature presents to give them, blah, blah. The great thing about being mature? Sharing. This is the perfect gift that gives back. Once your baby's got two of these bad boys, (s)he will feel inclined to provide you with a cocktail or two, and maybe even let you decorate one of the classy glasses with a sticker of your name? No? Too much?
$65 for set of two




9. Gun Socks: Hold up partner! Do you think that socks make a crappy, eighth-night-of-Hanukkah-esq gift? Well, perhaps you've just been experiencing unsatisfying socks. Wanna pull out the big guns when it comes to your partner's foot fashion? Try giving a pair of these and you'll be in for some serious heat. $10

10. Vase with a meaning: Giving flowers is a Valentine's staple, and one that I happen to enjoy. But if you wanna step up your flower power from sigh to oh-my, try stashing some stems in one of these unique vases that your honey can cherish even after the bloom is off the rose:


This unique flower holder proves love is blind. The traditional-looking vase is covered in love letters written in braille. Now who wouldn't swoon when you take his/her hand and rub it over the bumpy surface as you explain it's meaning? Just a suggestion... $87



Try one of these DIY-themed vases that let you write any message, design, or naughty picture you want in chalk. You or your giftee can change up the message whenever you feel the urge, just don't run your nails over it. $35. Or you can do a real DIY version - simple as buying a glass vase and some chalkboard paint.



Okay, so we're a little heavy on the gun-theme, but this vase adorned with a single red rose will blow your main squeeze away. Romantic without being mushy, it evokes feelings of danger and desire...plus it's just plain cool. $25

I like my coffee how I like my men....

French and Pressed...

Now that I live in California with my boyfriend I've started doing some really grown-up/domestic things that I never thought I'd do. We do house projects, cook (healthy) dinners together, go to bed at 10, take day-long trips to Ikea and Home Depot and Target that remind me of Old School, clean.

It's really pathetic and sickening and fabulous.

The other weekend, on one of these infamous Ikea trips, we bought a French Press. Let me just say. I. Love. This. Thing.

I gave up caffeine about two years ago and was going strong au natural. Then came Sactown Magazine. Unfortunately, Sactown killed any ability I had to avoid caffeine. This awesome magazine is awesome for one very big reason -- the relatively small staff works its collective ass off, literally pulling all-nighters to get the issues out on time.

It was around the third 15-hour shift that I became dependent on Temple Coffee
If you live in Sacramento, or anywhere within a 50 mile radius, you have to go to here. Amazing coffee, excellent tea, cool baristas that make you want to quit your job and go farm cocoa beans in Hawaii.

If you don't live nearby (unless you're a lucky bastard that lives in the East Village and can go to Cafe Pick Me Up -- this place alone is enough to make me miss New York) or if you don't want to spend eleventy-billion dollars a year on coffee, consider a french press.

This thing is awesome --- in fact, excuse me while I go make myself a cup... (seven minutes later).... and we're back.

See how easy that was? Okay, since you couldn't really see and since the instructions which come with the Ikea French Press are a series of indecipherable pictures (Swedish people are smart), this is how you use a French Press:


1. Boil 2-4 cups water (how many cups of coffee do you want to drink?)
2. Grind 4-8 tablespoons of coffee (I like my coffee strong so I recommend 1 tablespoon of coffee per 4 oz of water, otherwise it comes out too watery for me)
3. Pour ground coffee and water into French Press.. stir briefly and let steep 3 minutes
4. Press down handle slowly and evenly until sediment is separated from liquid
5. Wait a minute or so to let small sediment settle on bottom
6. Pour and enjoy

I also recommend investing (all of two bucks) in one of these --->
My friend Becky turned me on to this and it is, in a word, amazatron. Dip this little guy in a few tablespoons of milk, press the button, and in seconds you have foamy, cappuccino-quality froth to add to your delish french press coffee. Sprinkle a little cinnamon on top and you may never step inside another coffee-house again.

Welcome

First blog entry... I'm only about five years behind the times, but I like to do things at my own pace. I'm still figuring out the theme of my blog. I imagine it will be something like "random."

Things I like and will probably blog about:

my dog ------>
baking
writing
magazines
tv shows (just the good ones)
movies
music
books
travel
wandering aimlessly through life
poetray
my family (they are cool and weird and it won't be boring I promise)
serious political commentary
cool websites
photography
volleyball (woot)
shit i want to buy: 1 2
things that are too cute to live
other neat crap